Bowlers With Balls and Silverback Politicians

I don't know if Woody Allen did it. I'd like to think the four-eyed filmmaker didn't sexually assault the girl, Dylan, but only he knows the truth, and she does, too – and maybe also the fly that was on the wall that fateful day in 1992. But you can't subpoena flies, or dogs and cats for that matter, which is a cruel twist of fate, because dogs and cats and flies can't lie. It's not in their genetic makeup. They're the epitome of a perfect witness. You don't have to be a dog person or cat person or fly person to admit that their hearts are pure, and that ours are not. And that's why, to this day, I won't kill a fly. I hear, though, Mr. Allen can't kill enough. That cur.

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